everybody needs it, they say, especially on a blue sky.

December 20, 2007 at 6:16 pm | Posted in Ennui, Musings and Epiphanies | 1 Comment

but an extended holiday? not my cup of tea.  i’ve never been a big fan of long holidays.  i can deal with them once in a while, and long weekends are okay.  but for prolonged periods of time?  no.

times like this i get to imagine myself  elsewhere, alone, working on christmas eve.  preferably somewhere snowing.   i don’t know why.  sometimes i just want to hide under a rock.  reunions, shopping sprees, gift-giving, carols, parties?  sometimes i like them, sometimes they make me sick.  if it is difficult for some people to imagine themselves alone on such an important day like christmas, the opposite is true for me.

it’s always been a fantasy of mine for as logn as i can remember:  me, writing, no distraction, somewhere far far away.  like some place where there is a castle overlooking a stormy sea.  or a hut where you can see the beach outside.  somewhere isolated, where the only rule is:  leave the protagonist alone.

it’s so weird because i know we’re a society that is steeped in associational values.  who we’re with and where we are at any given time is the basis of what people think of who we are.  if one stands alone, unavailable and beyond reach of human touch, is he stripped of his self, and what would one find in his core?  is he left a meaningless entity just because he doesn’t need to hold anybody’s hand to validate him?

for the longest time holidays pass me by with people all around me.  i watch them get lost in laughter and in their stories about their work, their lovers, their families, their desires.  but sometimes my mind wanders to that isolated place where i don’t have to exert effort to associate — to listen, to see, to feel. a place where i can just think.  and be.

while it is not an obssession, and i get to sweep the thought away and go on to keep functioning as a social being, holidays always bring this feeling up over and over again.  holidays are all about time with people we know and care about.  but i get to thinking — do we really need holidays to be with the people we love? that’s the part that strikes me as phony about holidays, specially christmas.

this consumerist world tells us to spend more on our loved ones because the occasion calls for it.  but shouldn’t we be showing them how much they matter that all year round?  why does our affection have to have price tags attached to them?

everytime i think of these things, i conjure that clean, well-lighted place in my head.  i will go there someday.  i’m stacking up on greeting cards.

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1 Comment »

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  1. yes, you will go there someday. i just know it.
    🙂 happy new year, sweetheart. 2008 is gonna be so great!


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