what makes it work?

November 5, 2007 at 7:07 pm | Posted in Musings and Epiphanies | 3 Comments

i’ve heard enough stories of doubt and fear and anger to finally be able to say that i am thankful that i am not answerable to anybody else but myself.  how many couples do i know are in a stable, loving relationship? one. one genuinely happy couple i have not heard any problems from in a while. everyone else i know have either been single a long time, just got out of a mess with some fuckhead or bitch, or are still in the market.

i asked a friend once — what makes it work? nobody has ever been able to give me an answer that satisfied me.  all i got was mush and cheese.

now i’m not saying it’s such a bad thing. this thing called relationships. when they’re good, they can be a wonderful thing to watch. and yeah, they can be a wonderful place to be in.  but when they’re bad they make me want to hurl. when i hear stories of people getting into fights because of schedule snafus, differences of opinions, lifestyles and other irreconcilable differences, i thank god i dictate my weekends. i thank the heavens that i don’t have to exert the effort to compromise who i am for someone’s lips.

now before i am accused of being a hypocrite, i’ll admit there was a time when i would have given the world to have someone in my life.  and maybe i still do.   but it’s just that i’ve come to a point where i have truly appreciated the meaning of having my priorities set right.

i am out to prove to myself that i have what it takes to do this job, and do it well.  i am out to prove to myself that i am an athletic person, competitive enough and good at what i set my mind out to do.  and i am out to prove to myself that my writing is good enough for consumption. if not by everyone then at least by me.

i have so many things i want to do and so many places i want to go and it is only now that it all makes sense.  i may have not someone in my life because i didn’t know what i wanted, or needed.  and worse, maybe there was even a time when i didn’t love myself.  but i am out to change all that.

relationships, when they come into your life at the right time and with the right person , shouldn’t rock your world, or set you off in a new direction.  because you don’t need another person to do that for you.   a person can sweep you off your feet, yes, but when that happens, you should know how to get back up.

i thought about this guy just a few moments ago, and remembered how he used to make me giggle every time i thought of him.  every single time.  i haven’t seen him in years now,  and i don’t know what he’s up to.  but it just amazes me how he used to do that for me.  when, looking back, i can’t understand why i would want someone like him in my life — as a partner.  he’s a child, for crying out loud.  and to think he’s older than me.  maybe it was the rosy cheeks.  or the macho stance. or those piercing deep brown eyes. or the eyebrows.  oh fuck it.  he still makes me giggle.

but my point is, why?  feelings like these are useless.   they can’t and never will sustain what a partnership is all about — mutual respect, intuitive empathy and a commonality of goals.

so what makes it work?   what effectively allows for that transition from giddy curiosity to stable, long-term dependability? i don’t know. relationships are too much of a mystery for me.  all i know is that i could be wrong.  maybe i don’t have to spend so much time thinking about it.  maybe working on myself is good enough.  if it comes along, and the feeling is right, then there should be no reason to let it in.  but if it’s not there, then let it be.  get on with life.



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  1. senti ah 🙂 hehe

  2. when you find out the answer, be sure and let me know. hehehehe.

  3. i found this post because it was linked as related on my own. truly well written. great thoughts. 🙂

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