not writing 30

September 27, 2007 at 2:03 pm | Posted in Gratitude | 2 Comments

So the big three-oh came and went.  And if you ask me how it feels now, I have to say it’s a bit disorienting.  For a brief moment I was fearful.  It felt like the past 29 years were a waste of time, and I got to thinking how did I spend all of them and why I was doing the things I like only now.  But then again I came to realize it may have been necessary to learn the lessons from all those years because now I know that the past 29 years made me smart enough to know what I do know now.  There were things I wanted back then and there are things I still want, but waiting is probably the smartest thing I can do right now.

People spend their lives at breakneck speeds, some people stand still and refuse to take action.  At thirty I can safely put myself in between.  Life can still be hurried and mad at times.  There are deadlines, and there are challenges to be hurdled, there’s a marathon to run in January and a race to train for in February.  There are summits to reach and more yoga poses to strike.  There are more lessons to learn and there are still responsibilities to live with.  And there is a gap, a huge gaping hole that remains unfilled.  But I like things the way they are now.  I see relationships all around me falling into pieces, I see people hurting, scared, angry and dejected.  But inside there’s an inner peace I’ve found which I know no one can take away anymore.  At thirty, I have learned to claim that spot and own it.

I used to laugh over how they say life begins at a certain age.  But it’s really true.  At thirty, I have learned to push aside the fear and the uncertainty, and realize that indeed, life begins the moment you decide it’s time.

It feels like I’m starting anew.  And it is my time.

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2 Comments »

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  1. galing, the title. 🙂 can i borrow it for my thirtieth birthday party?

    mwah.

  2. asus. you don’t have to. i’m sure you’ll come up with something better! 😀


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