goodbye

June 21, 2007 at 5:03 pm | Posted in Akbayan, Friends, Gratitude, Politics, Positivity, S511 | 4 Comments

the one word i will never say to my comrades.  as alice said in closer — you never leave the one you love.

it just  tickles me that on the same day i am officially “released”, a letter to the editor comes out in the philippine daily inquirer bearing my name. it was actually a statement i wrote for the boss a few weeks back.  dumb old me forgot to put her name on it, and the email i sent the inquirer desk apparently had my signature on it, so the letter was accredited to me.

in one brief reading moment it defines me as a person.  i am the media officer of this great, feisty congresswoman who could have been one hell of a senator. i am a partisan of this funny, rowdy, sometimes incoherent bunch of activists i call my friends. and for this one brief moment it is on record for anyone to see.

at a time when i am just about to drop it.

but unlike previous departures there are no bitter tears, no recrimination, no anger attending this one. i don’t know if it is a sign of maturity, of denial, or just plain professionalism.  but as i told arlene, this is the shot in the arm i needed to REALLY move on.

i always believed that everything happens for a reason.   the day i commit suicide is the day god whispers in my ear that it isn’t so.  that things happen just because they do and there is no sense trying to make sense of them.

i guess what makes me happy is that i know for a fact that i am leaving the party in good hands.  i have nothing but respect for those who are staying behind.  iona is a brilliant passionate young woman who can juggle her acads and her advocacies with adept efficiency.  jonas is a genius of so many talents who will keep digging on a task at all costs.  byron is an expert with his legal knowledge and will no doubt lend an incredible amount of sharpness to our legislative fights. risa, and in turn, our legislative agenda, are in the hands of a small group of highly competent and intelligent men and women who can no doubt amplify in quality what akbayan now lacks in quantity inside congress.

and for the rest of us who are leaving,  life goes on. nobody wants to leave, that’s a fact, but the onslaught was more than what anybody could stand.  and that’s the sad part.

an officemate leaves the office last night carrying boxes of documents and is asked what is inside them.  he says they’re just documents he has to move out because etta’s term has expired.  and the guard asks him, “ok, sino ho pumalit, anak?” 

and it’s so laughable because i could never imagine akbayan ever being part of that rotten culture of patronage and dynasties.  for the past five years i have seen a brand of politics that could be our future because it is fresh, it is democratic.  but in the realm of philippine politics, the nice guys do not always finish first.  sometimes the zealots and the demagogues make you eat dust.

on a personal level, it is frightening to be out there  in the cold. the dark, uncertain world out there is full of detours and wrong turns, and i stand alone on this journey.  where to go next?  i have a vision of where i want to be in five years.  it’s the getting there that’s making me antsy now.

and on an even more personal level, this is about moving on.  you know what they say about caution in making wishes? because you just might get it?  a few years back i wanted to leave.  well, now, i have no choice. so go ahead and insert sarcastic remark here.

but it’s all good.  this is really the universe telling me, “look you idiot, use your eyes.  it’s  a bigger world than you think. go out and get some bigger fish. don’t wait for the ship to come in.  go and swim out to it. to him.”  all that you can’t leave behind is the sum of all the baggage  you don’t need.  and it is time to unload. and this departure is the impetus.

but it is with nothing but gratitude and  the wisdom of the years that i now walk away.  happy, happy thoughts, happy, happy memories. and the prayer that i end up some place where i am allowed to make some more of these memories with these same people. no “goodbye”s.  just “see you later”. probably at analog.

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4 Comments »

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  1. i guess if you do say good-bye, it means there’s no love left. or does it?

  2. which is why i keep hoping it doesn’t come to that point where i would have to say goodbye, though. 🙂

  3. liar. im in analog everyday, and… no vince. 😦 hmph. miss you.

  4. badet,

    hugs and kisses. your service to etta and to the party is well appreciated. kundi nga lamang, nagulangan tayo ng kalaban di sin sana’y tatlo pa ang ating opisina sa kongreso. at least, di anak ang pumalit.

    gari


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