with wings

January 27, 2006 at 1:57 pm | Posted in Emotions, Ennui, Music, Something about Nothing, the L word | 2 Comments

Song of the Moment: Calling All Angels, Train
To Do (tasks, not people): meet up for next week’s Pulag (wuhoooo)
Current State: soaring

Take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night
I’m not but I like rivers that rush in

yesterday, riding a cab with a dubiously fast meter, i tell jae: i love the sight of airplanes above head. she is not interested in knowing why. and neither could i say i’d have a readily available answer.

the overcast skies paint gray the air as a dotted presence makes its way across. flying low its engines roar down on us as if in pain from the weight of its ambition to reach a height we can only approximate from below.

in transit between meetings, one is afforded a few moments to ask what it all means to be on the move. why is life always a story about people moving and people being left behind? the concrete pavement gathers puddles where strangers hush a second before another step is taken on the way to somewhere else.

So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat
I won’t push you unless you have a net

after dinner i get off at my stop and make my way across the avenue. the rains have stopped, but the waters are hesitant to leave the earth. i take earnest ginger steps to the opposite street. the headlights are screaming in my direction, i turn my head to the right and see a bus coming at me.

forty people? fifty? tired? anxious? horny? the limitless possibilities of a story on four wheels are like heartstrings pulling every human being in cris-crossing narratives. i imagine myself writing down their tragedies, and i laugh.

there is a door i want to knock on, a shower i’d like to bathe in, a bed i want to sleep in, with rumpled sheets and dirty pillows at my feet. the bus can crash and burn for all i care.

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don’t mind
I don’t hold on
To the tail of your kite

midnight. another face, another struggle. the walls are talking, and they are talking loud with tv signals channeling a message far from what i would like to hear.

the spin is unintelligible, the message is lost, the news inspires a yawn.

when one is halfway up, one is always halfway down, as a song i love goes. you don’t hold on when that happens.

I’m not like the girl boys that you’ve known
But I believe I’m worth coming home to

it might take the rain to bring you where you really want to be. or maybe something less metaphorical, like a cab. or a plane.

but why speed headlong into a world where one doesn’t have meaning?

Kiss away night
This girl boy only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly then boy

i love airplanes. when they are flying above head, and their engines are screaming in pain. they are ambitious in defying gravity.

but can love, spurned, do the same?



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  1. thats just beautiful. 🙂

  2. thank you. 😀

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