stop abusing yourself

December 29, 2005 at 3:36 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Song of the Moment: Lonely No More, Rob Thomas
To Do (tasks, not people): buy hamster food
Current State: thinking of a comeback
~~~~~~~~~~

Yahoo astrology: Isn’t it time you took a little responsibility for your romantic past? If something’s happened more than three times in your love life, consider it a pattern — and one you might be unconsciously welcoming.

okay. this one’s actually got me reviewing all those assholes who went through my door over the years for as far back as i can remember. quite quickly i can see two distinct “patterns”.

one, i wasn’t so direct in my dealings. like a true-blue crab (i am heavily influenced by water and cancer in my chart), i prefer walking sideways before going for the kill. ask a friend if he’s home and then i send flowers, that kind of thing. the indirect approach could work, if there weren’t so many people involved in the plot.

second, i was too easy. whether it means we ended up in bed, or whether my true feelings were too transparent, it seems like i’m the kind of guy who doesn’t even have an air of mystery around him. a potential could see right through me. now i’m all for honesty, but ‘curb your enthusiasm’ seems like a wise choice of words for me.

my romance profile on astro.com says i should learn to distinguish between the fancy and the genuine article. how not to be distracted by the symmetry, without losing sight of the substance. great looking guys are everywhere, but decent fellows with no serious baggage who are in it for the long run are either snatched up already or probably aren’t aware yet that they’re gay.

so with such a constricted market one has to go back to his basics. what do i want in someone? standards are there for a reason. it’s supposed to keep the jerks at bay. and maybe that’s what i should be doing. keep them at bay.

***************************************

on oggling

it’s okay to oggle. as long as i’m not with a friend who shall go by the codename jae, who thinks that’s a sure sign one is boy-crazy, which always offends me. there’s nothing wrong in appreciating beauty. beauty is yummy. i’m pleased as punch when someone appreciates me, so why not return the favor?

at least i don’t go around telling people i go for “brilliance”. lately i’m beginning to feel “brilliance” is just a euphemism for sub-standard choices to excuse a secret inferiority complex. there is nothing “brilliant” in getting into a mess and not knowing what to do but get drunk.

***************************************

[a few weeks ago i was offended when i was told “you talk about boys more than any of my other friends”. it really got me thinking. then last night i wanted to tell that person “i’d rather talk about my crushes than ‘talk’ about absent friends” but that’s mean and there’s a day’s worth of explanation that should go with it.]

so just to disprove this contention, i am pointing out that i haven’t been bugging anyone for a set-up for the past few weeks, and i am not the least bit mortified by the fact that i haven’t been in the market for months. call me lonely, call me pathetic, but don’t call me boy-crazy.

***************************************

hmm. it seems i had some things to be pissed off about recently but i guess i’ll let those pass. pasok 2006!! the year in which i do not expect to hook up with anyone. if it happens, then if it’s for a good reason yey. if not then yey, i have 365 days free in which i don’t have to worry about matching schedules with anyone in exchange for sex! (unlike some people i know, har har har) weeeee!!!

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