forgive, forget, for whom?

September 12, 2005 at 8:05 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments

it’s the most overused plot twist conjured to inject some much-needed drama in most relationships.  because it brings to fore the fundamentals of any relationship that hopes to survive the test of time.  loyalty, trust, honesty, fidelity — all these things come to play with equal and at times conflicting intensity when the 3rd party twist enters the scene. 

 

i really don’t get it when people try to put themselves in a picture knowing fully well the object of their affection is with someone else.  i don’t have much regard for those who spend too much of their time and energy investing in the business of stealing someone else’s boyfriend. what goes around comes around, get it?  

 

as for the guy, how could he carry on like nothing is going on in the side?  is it second-nature for guys?  i have seen glimpses of this attitude even among some gay guys i know, so i can’t help but wonder whether it’s biological or what.  but even so, why get into a relationship if you will just keep looking around anyway?  i really don’t get it.  some people spend their days love-waiting, and yet some spend theirs love-wasting.

 

as for the girl, where does she draw the line?  did he sleep with her? did he see himself leaving her for the 3rd party? did he feel like the connection had been lost and it was worth it? was it just inertia keeping him on the relationship? did she push him away? if the answer to any or all of these questions is yes, then is that it? or does one forgive but never forget? or does one get even?

 

i remember a time when eileen asked me if i would ever go into a relationship with a married guy.  i said that from MY context, if a married guy were to come to me for affection then that must mean his marriage has been founded on a lie. it would mean that no matter how he tries to salvage it, then it would be no use, because apparently he wants to be with another guy.

 

but with straight people, how does it work?  there are so many cheating bastards out there that sometimes i get to thinking maybe we should pass legislation making it legal to impose cutting off cheating boyfriends/husbands’ balls as a legitimate penalty. (i think some time ago in the past some idiot did actually file a bill along that line).

 

so to you who asked for this, this is what i have to say.  given your circumstance, given everything that i know so far, i will tell you to give it some time.  i would shut my door if i were in your shoes.  there would be blood all over the streets.  but i realize that’s too harsh, and if love teaches us anything is that it’s never “a hand that holds you down”.  eventhough leopards don’t change their spots. 

 

so ask yourself, not today, but maybe after some time:  can you see yourself with him down the line and still say you love him? if yes, then i must say — that’s one hell of a connection you have there.  maybe that’s what makes it worth fighting for.  forgive, yes, forget, never. for whom? for yourself, your sense of integrity and decency and for your own good.