why god didn’t give us superpowers

August 27, 2005 at 3:49 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

traffic’s a jam. it’s crappy. if i had the power to read minds, tinker with another person’s thoughts, i’d telepathically tell the jeepney driver to speed it up, break rules, or whatever, just to get me to the office on time.

but why stop there? why not ask him to give me back my fare? why not ask him to give me all his money?

wait a minute, if i had telepathic powers, why would i even be riding a jeepney? i’d be riding a cab. wait a minute, why rent a cab when i can just walk into some auto dealer and telepathically manipulate them to give me the latest model? (my fave has always been the toyota echo).

wait. why should i have to do the stealing myself? i can just as well telepathically manipulate an entire mob and let it do the job for me. and while they’re at it, i can ask them to stop by a bank and get me some cash.

but why bother with pesos? i might as well just hop on a plane and go to the u.s. and wreak havoc over there with my powers.

it’s be so much easier that way to get to tom cruise and telepathically manipulate him to lie down so i can screw him senseless. nevermind katie, that bitch. she can watch, for all i care. i can always erase her memories, nay, her entire brain later, if i wanted to.

sigh. i can just imagine it. me and tom. doing all the unholy thigns men in lust can do. no religion will accept him after i’m done with him. (on second thought, i doubt any religion will want him after all that ga-ga over katie stupidity he was exhibiting on american tv a few weeks back).

but wait. why settle for tom cruise? assuming i’ll be in hollywood the neighborhood’s teeming with all the guys i’ve always wanted.

it’s gonna be a fiesta!

soon i will want the world.

i might even just walk into the UN and declare myself head of household, err, i mean president of the universe. i can just telepathically order everyone to make me supreme leader of this god-forsaken planet. hey, maybe we can even have world peace that way. with me on top, of course. i will just tell the armies of the world to lay down their weapons. hmmm… soldiers…

and that’s why im not telepathic and i’m stuck in traffic and it’s almost noon and the sun is fucking sizzling and this is what i get for daydreaming and not kicking my own ass so i can get to the office on time.

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