eternal sunshine of the clueless mind?

August 25, 2005 at 12:57 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

here’s some disturbing news to get my day started.

i’m a daydreamer. i think that pretty obvious with this and this and this.

i spend an inordinate amount of time fantasizing about things — not just boys — and news like this really gets me bothered. if it’s true, would this mean that in due time i would take more pleasure in a world of make-believe until the line between what is real and what is fantasy is blurred and i end up not remmebering things that have really happened in my life?

it’s an ally mcbeal moment for me. and i get to wonder: what would it feel like to lose all memory? where would one draw his feelings if not from images, places and faces? take them all away and what is there to feel about?

my daydreams sometimes include episodes of amnesia after some near-fatal vehicular accident. just so i could feel what it would be like not to remember him or them or that.

also, i have to confess, i have a hard time remembering things. i’m not a details kind of story-teller. i tell stories about how sucky a day has been and i can’t even recall exact dialogues that happened, or words that were said. i’m a big-picture kind of guy. vague-minded and dreamy, i get to suspect that i really might be a candidate for this disease.

i am often told of how beautiful the jim carey-starrer is. and i confess an interest in employing the technology to erase some things i don’t want to remember, especially some boys i wish i’d rather not have known.

but at what cost would one gain eternal sunshine, if the mind atrophies from a lack of memories? there are some things in life i’d rather forget, but remembering can urge one forward. and while i am afraid of dwelling, i am equally terrified of moving forward with nothing behind me.

daydreams are fine. but maybe i should also take steps to remember, and remember well. would a digicam do? hehe. but one thing is sure: i wouldn’t trade my memories for bliss, at whatever cost.


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