mouth shut = chance denied

May 1, 2005 at 8:26 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

idiot. stop keeping your head down when you’re walking. so what if it’s north of 33 degrees outside and you can’t bear the high noon sun?

look what happened. you raise your head too late to catch your breath and let out even a lame “hi”. and what did you do? you spend the rest of the day making gooey eyes and half-baked smiles and stolen glances.

don’t worry about your looks. your hair is mighty fine. in fact the less effort you put in fixing it, the more authentic it looks, and that gives it character, and consequently, you too. stop freaking out about the british teeth, they’re fine. your dentist says stick to the routine and they won’t be falling off anytime soon.

so what the hell is your problem? why can’t you just say hi?

don’t ever go down that road again. no more ligaw-tingin. damn it, if you like him, then say hi. it doesn’t make you abnormal. it makes you an open, transparent human being willing to relate and let other people in.

you moron. he was smiling at you. a couple of times he even stood near you. and while i know you’re highly conscious about never reading too much into gestures, there would have been no harm since you would have just asked him how he is, and not whether he is open to the idea of spending his lifetime with you. (which you aren’t interested in knowing anyway at this point, are you?)

and this time dear peregrine, when you feel sorry for yourself for being such a dumbass, don’t go texting your common friends for explanations or for recriminations or whatever. keep it to yourself. friends can only help you to an extent. they won’t work out your relationships for you. on that part i give you credit. you were itching to tell his housemate who is an old friend of yours from way back in college, or his orgmate who is your bestfriend’s former officemate and your badminton buddy, and it’s good that you didn’t. the last thing you need is to give people something to talk about, but nothing to help you get to know the person, and know him well.

so don’t spend too much time thinking about him. in fact, let the opportunity present itself again, if it ever will. if it doesn’t then it’s HIS loss. don’t waste your time trying to figure out a way to make up for your little ‘i’m too shy to say hi’ episode this afternoon. you didn’t have the guts to walk up to him, period. no more excuses. no more repeats, and that’s it.

nevermind if he’s just one text message away. what difference would it make? he was doing his job, you were doing yours, eventhough you were too chickenshit to stay directly under the sun for too long which was why you bumped into him in the first place.

stop thinking about serendipity, as if you were led into these circumstances because there is a “dotdash dashdash dot dot” underlying it. it’s a small city. you do media work, he works for the media. small world. small circles. common friends. same school. same college. not even someone with a brain the size of a peanut wouldn’t rule out any conspiracy in that.

so stop thinking you were led there to find him. you were not. after everything you’ve been through, you ought to know that you shouldn’t be looking around anymore. for all your worth, dear peregrine, you desserve to be found.

so next time, speak up, you big wuss. don’t worry about the words that might come out wrong. if they don’t sound the way they’re supposed to mean, then explain. don’t deny yourself of another chance. if you sound cooky or vague or just plain goofy, then speak up some more. he’ll hear you soon enough. then and only then will someone find you interesting. and then and only then will someone find you, make you his own and keep you.

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