good intentions

April 14, 2005 at 6:36 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

so there was a little problem with our well-intentioned position on a brewing mess in a government agency. apparently some people don’t like gel. unfortunately the words i stringed together for my boss have been misconstrued to constitute a frontal assault on the sensibilities of some people.

anyway without going into details (because this is a personal blog, after all) i just want to say that i am in the thick of some politicking simply because i am doing my job. and to think having my boss in the papers for two straight days should be cause for celebration, this comes along, and i am being questioned for my office’s inability to “coordinate” the issue with some other units/offices.

but stress notwithstanding, i feel good. it means i am taking responsibility for my actions and my office work. and in my immediate office, i have no problem because everyone here has been supportive. but some other people? forget it. instead of being a facilitating force, an agent for dialogue and understanding — they have become forces of conflict and added pressure.

but at least it gives me a reason not to come over to rocketman’s office. not that he’s there anyway, but still, i really don’t relish the thought of seeing his traces.

because last night i decided it’s really over. not only is he emotionally dishonest, he’s also abusive.

he sends a couple of text messages last night which i successfully ignore all throughout until i went to sleep.

i’ve had it up to here with his BS. building upon all the things i’ve realized and all the things i’ve said in previous posts, i have come to the sad conclusion: if he’s not going to help me put an end to my feelings, then it’s about time i took control of my life.

if it is not related to work, then i will minimize contact with him. i will also have to bid bantay ict goodbye. i’m not so sure if i even want to talk to him about last year’s events. but i initially thought i’d put that out there as a condition before i go full sailing with our friendship. but now i got to thinking: there’s no point in talking to walls. in tintin’s words: he doesn’t desserve you. and these are the words of someone who’s known him since they were in college. that’s about twelve years of friendship already.

i’d like to believe trying to draw me in was rocketman’s way of smoothing over the obvious pain i went through last year. but with his refusal to engage me on that level, his intentions, whatever they may be have come to naught.

this is why the world is so fucked up. we all have good intentions when it comes to work and friendships. but so much good is lost because of whatever reasons and factors that come into the equation.

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