No Going Back

March 27, 2005 at 3:30 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

So you went and did it after all. I always said it was your choice. And that you’d have my support no matter what. And since we never talked about it, this is just to make that clear.

I just wish you hadn’t cut me off in the weeks before you made that decision. I would’ve wanted to have been a part of the process. I didn’t think you had to go through it by yourself or with someone who doesn’t know you as much as I do. It was just one of those times of need in which I could have been there, and I wasn’t and for that I’ll always be sorry.

But this I know. It was not an easy choice. And it’s your body. I wouldn’t even want to be in the position you were in. I’m happy to know, though, that the smile is back on your lips. That there is some semblance of enthusiasm in your eyes nowadays. And things are back to whatever passes for normal in your (our) life.

I know you have your reasons, and I won’t presume to understand them. I’m not exactly sure how this decision will play out in the future. What price will be paid? Regardless of whether it ws wrong or right, every decision we make will have their repecussions. What form this one would take, is what worries me.

I just hope you won’t be standing at 35 and thinking you could be sending a 9-year-old child to school. I just hope you won’t be 35 and married to a man who would think less of you because of the choice you made. I just hope you won’t be 35 and making the same decision twice.

I hope you will be at 35 and we can still talk about the boys in your life, and the ones that aren’t in mine. I hope you will be at 35 and we’ll still be having coffee somewhere, or watching movies together just like when we first met.

This is just to say: however the rest of the world takes the choice you made, I’ll be here. I won’t judge you.

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