what goes around

February 20, 2005 at 5:51 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

comes around. and so i have concluded: in a past life i must have been very, very evil. otherwise i wouldn’t be 27 and single. *guffaw*

hmm. makes me think — what kind of evil? i must have fucked around a lot with a lot of women and left them with my seeds (yucky as that sounds). i was probably rich and handsome, coveted by all, owned by none. i must have been a prince or something. an evil prince. in a despotic kingdom where subjects were levied a third of their crops and made to work on castles with three-story moorings and impenetrable walls.

i must have been imperious in my whims, demanding with my lust. i must have had dozens of women, virgins all, and made them do unspeakable horrors to satisfy my cravings.

i must have stolen a farmer’s wife or something, kept her in bondage while her husband had to make do with the backyard goat. maybe i put her to death because she wouldn’t serve me well. maybe i had her kids thrown in jail just for the heck of it. maybe i had her husband sodomized by palace guards. i must have inflicted so much suffering on other people that i was hated, spoken of only in whispers lest my subjects be thrown in dungeons where skeletons lay splayed against brickstone walls thick with moss and grime.

i must have been one hell of a chauvinist pig. i must have thought women as nothing mroe than slots to fill in with my humongous dick. (well at least i had THAT. maybe). women served only one purpose, and one purpose only — to serve food on the table, and if the food is not any good, then they should lay there for me to take them as i please.

i must have been a warmonger, conquering lands the size of Laguna, destroying kingdoms that would not pay taxes, bringing barons down to their knees, raping their women, pillaging their villages, burning down homes and taking their gold.

i must have been very proud of myself, and hungry for power. i must have been one hell of a tyrant.

so god punishes me by making me pussyphobic in this life. but before that, he makes sure i am born middle-class, which is, come to think of it, worse than being actually poor. [neither here nor there, with one swift stroke of the economy you could find yourself rich, then in another stroke, find yourself poor. isn’t that even more tragic?]

then to rub it in, god makes sure no gay guy in his right mind falls in love with me, no matter how much pomp and grace i try to inject into my apperances and my style.

then god makes it even harder for me by making me a writer. heavens, be an engineer and you can build roads and bridges. be a lawyer and you can turn the law around to your favor. be a doctor and earn big bucks off dying people. but instead, he makes me write. write, write, you asshole, write. all you can do is whine and bitch about your misfortunes, and the big someone up there goes back in the bathtub scratching his back with a loofah.

there is a price to be paid for things we may not even know in this life. which is kinda unfair, don’t you think? but life lessons need not be confined to only one life. if human beings were cosmic energies incarnate, and we dissipate into energy once our physical selves expire, then do we carry the charge of our previous lives into the next? are souls really just recycled versions of ourselves in distant pasts?

my other life must have been so desperate, so isolated, that i was a tyrant who demanded respect but never earned it. all because deep down inside i never thought i deserved it.

is that the lesson i have to learn in this life? that in order to find love, i must begin with self-respect? is asking out a gorgeous gay guy out, someone sooooo out of my league affirming my self-value? does any self-respecting person ever do that?

well, maybe. but who cares. in my past life i must have had skin so pure, so white that my feet never even touched the ground. literally. i’d have my peons lay down carpets in my path before feeding mys oldiers into death’s grip in warfare and conquest.

so in this life, i am grounded, never touching sky, when i could be the best thing to happen to anyone, if i really let them knew.

in my past life i must have had a tower of silvers coins and gold bars stocked up to overflowing with my greed, so that in this life i have to work my ass off for every peso that comes in and out of my pocket.

in short, in my past life i must have been one HUGE jerk. which is why now i’m a very, very nice person. [oh, but yeah, god must have decided to let me carry over into this life my penchance for lying, just for kicks.]

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