The Blind Window

January 21, 2005 at 1:47 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

With an empty stomach and two bottles of lights down, I felt whoozy and about to throw up. That’s how low my alcohol tolerance level is. But after three years, I finally did it. I kept a promise.

The place is IC’s bar. Wanderlust was a huge part of it, feeling I badly needed a change of scenery, if only for a night. Away from the usual hang-outs: away from Matalino St., away from C3 Bar, away from SBC Katips, and the few hours of respite they offer. I wanted wide open spaces, green fields and bridges and freeways.

Los Baos is urban, even if less advanced than Manila, but the environment is still thick with the lushness of the forests and the tower that is Makiling still stands proud and tall above the city like an imposing god whose presence permeates the midnight breeze.

Jazzy was still thin and sassy as ever, and words were just as easy between us as three years ago when we met first and last. With two other of her closest friends we swap updates and juicy smack-downs on people we both know. It was a refreshing exercise in sentimental rememberance after we finished watching Varna and Friends, enjoying our reserved seats as “Tasha’s Bitches”.

But now I feel the alcohol crawl back up my throat and I had to excuse myself to go out of the bar and take a short walk before going back. I ask for a glass of water and an IC platter and in no time, was up and back in control of my guts again.

To the beat of a skipping disco track, I relish the thought that I have finally reconnected with an old friend, and it got me thinking. Jazzy’s just one of them.

“I miss you” is a message I’ve heard said often enough in text messages, in private messages and testimonials on friendster, in e-mail messages and sometimes even in phone conversations.

Which made me think – why are all these people missing me, when I’m just here?

They say there are four windows to self-awareness, and that the second one refers to that which other people know and we are not aware of. Is presence one of those things I have held back without being aware?

It just got me thinking in between catnaps on the bus back home to Manila this morning that maybe I haven’t really been there enough for other people. Sure, I have my core group, but my extended branches of friendships also need nurturing, and maybe I do need to stretch myself a litle bit more.

I ask Cha to come along with me to LB a few days ago and she laments that I could afford to go to LB and not be able to visit her in Makati. And it struck me that she’s right. Especially Cha, who always have tons of stories to tell and finds it so easy to tell me stuff she wouldn’t normally tell other people.

I’ve been fortunate that the past year saw me adding more and not subtracting anyone from my list of friends, so maybe I do need to make myself more available, be a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on more often. Even when most of the time I feel like I have none of that myself. But you never get more than what you give, so go figure.



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  1. i mish u… mwehehehe

    seriously.. i do 🙂

    — maroon

  2. mishu too. tehehehe

  3. awwww. i mishu guys too!! mush alert. okay, that’s it. enterprise, here i come. 29th? maroon, san ka na ba ngayon? 😛

  4. Aw. You went to elbi. I miss the place so much and as always, I don’t have the luxury of time to go there. When you do visit Cha at Makati, let me know. I’m just sitting at the next building.

    I want to go to some cultural place, I don’t know. Watch a play or something.

  5. Yes, that’s a promise. See, I even have it lined up on my sidebar, just so I can constantly be reminded ot kick my own ass if I don’t stick to my life objectives. Hehe.

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