Tech Support! Tech Support!

November 14, 2004 at 11:13 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

(November 10, 2004 over Double Mint Choco Chip Javakuhla, hehe)

Take the easy way out. Think all of life is just a dream, and all one has to do is call out tech support, and they’ll push a button or two, re-adjust one’s thermal settings and all the glitches in his or her cryogenic state will be restored, giving way to a convenient resolution to all the problems in one’s life that are nothing more than quirks in a technology called Lucid Dreams.

How comforting isn’t it, to think that all that passes for what we call real life is just some simulation and the truth is time has stopped in reality and one is just frozen in some sub-terranean chamber until the time specified in one’s contract comes and he or she will be re-awakened.

That’s how I feel sometimes. When things take a turn for the worse, or when I lose sight of my purpose in life, or when I just want to shut out the rest of the world, I think of vanilla skies, and wait for someone to say in my ear, “open your eyes”. It’s so easy to believe nothing I’ve ever experienced is real, and that somewhere, somehow, not too long ago, time had actually stopped and my physical self is sustained only by an advanced technology relying on the neural impulses that go on despite my slumber and give way to this artificial world I am in now.

That all the hassles of city life, of struggling with heartache after every heartache, that all the pain and misery I see around me on a daily basis are just digital illusions designed to exercise the relevant portions of my brain just to keep me alive.

But that’s just some otherworldly possibility. I haven’t heard voices telling me anything, nor have I ever felt as if my own private narrative was jumping from one plot point to another, and I do feel like I’m aging with each day that passes, something impossible in a cryogenic dream. I guess it’s all natural — the feeling of wanting to escape, of dreaming other possibilities other than that which one is going through at the moment.

A lucid dream is impossible, and more often than not, I get to thinking that existence does not come around in cycles, but alongside each other. That while we deal with this reality, there is a whole range of other realities where other versions of ourselves are also leading a life that may or may not be similar to ours.

I imagine that maybe, in another dimension, I am my own exact opposite. I’m still living this life, but in a direction that is opposite of the way I’m heading now because of the choices I have or have not made. Maybe over there I am a journalist for the Inquirer, or a teacher for the UP English Department, choices I didn’t make in this dimension when I chose to go into activism and even earlier, when I dropped the idea of enrolling at the College of Arts and Letters instead.

Maybe in one of those other dimensions, I am a communist, after making a decision to leave that kind of life behind in this reality. Maybe in another dimension, I am even a Canadian citizen, had my mom acquiesced to my uncle’s request for him and his ex-wife to adopt me.

In another dimension maybe I’m a college drop out barely making ends meet, had I chosen to give up college instead. Maybe in another dimension I have a problem with substance abuse, as opposed to being a “supposed former infatuation junkie” in this one. Maybe in another dimension I had not ended up fighting with Bobet and I am not Eileen’s friend. Maybe I did not log on to peyups.com last October 2000, had stood up Princess on that June evening in Megamall and who knows, I would be one best friend short in another life.

I’m just saying that with every choice we did not take, could it be possible that an alternate reality opens up where we can catch a glimpse of what life would be like had we done what we chose to forego instead?

Whether it be alternate realities or lucid dreams, I guess it’s all just about the fact that second chances are a rare commodity. In a world that seems to move ever more so quickly, it seems so few people are given the chance to have another go at something they might have left behind in the past.

And I get to thinking that if in those other realities my “non-choices” have a bearing on the kind of life I live there, then it could be possible that the choices people in my life did not make in this life could also affect those realities. What if in another dimension, Joey had replied to my text saying that I would go out with him? Had we gone out, would it mean that we have been able to give it another go? Had Lourdes not accepted me into the Collegian, would I still have the courage of my words? Had Ronald not recruited me into this political party/family, where would my stubbornness take me? What if in another dimension my mom never met my dad and I wasn’t even born, what would life be like for the people I know in this one?

We all make decisions that set us off in directions we never knew were possible, and make life more interesting for the most part. But in those split seconds before making those decisions, lies an entire universe of possibilities that we will never know. And that’s what my Lucid Dreams are all about. Had I not gone in one particular direction, what kind of a person would I be now? Is it wrong to even think about it?

But at the end of the day, this is the reality I have to deal with. No matter how insurmountable some problems might be, I cannot wish it out of existence and take comfort that maybe I am doing better in some other life in another plane of existence. It’s all science-fiction, and life as I know it is anything but sci-fi. There is no omniscient tech support in this life, except for the hands that move us, unseen yet knowing.

Choices are beautiful in that we are free to make them, but even more beautiful as we have to deal with their consequences. True, second chances are rare, and perhaps rightly so. If we were given the chance to go back to every single choice we would later regret and try to do them all over again, who could say anyone of us would go anywhere?

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