The Peregrine

June 16, 2004 at 8:03 pm | Posted in Nothing | Leave a comment

Two questions I hate to be asked: �Who are you?� and �Are you happy?�. They’re both nebulous and irrelevant.

People see me through different lenses, as I suit their own lives. A son, a brother, a suitor, a friend, a confidant, an antagonist, an adviser, an employee, a colleague, an acquaintance, an ex-classmate, an orgmate, a spurned lover, etc.

But stripped of all conceptions about my identity that are predicated on the relationships that I have formed, lost and found again, what becomes of this man? In all honesty, I can’t tell you, and neither should I try. There’s more to a person than what you can possibly box in 500 words or less. All I know is that I’m a man who is trying.

I’m a man who is trying to be a better presence in other people’s lives. A man who earns a decent living in a job that tries to make life a little better for my fellow human beings. I’m a cadre, an activist, an agitator with my words and a proud moderate at heart.

I’m a man who is trying to be a more open partner. Step by step, slowly yet steady. I’m tearing down the walls in my own sweet time, under my own terms. I’m unraveling the mystery I’ve spent some time building up, as I fumble my way towards ecstasy. (thanks for finding the right words, Sarah)

I’m a man who is trying to put on the brakes, even though I’m fully aware that the best way to approach life is to approach it with reckless abandon, damn all consequences. I’m a trainwreck waiting to happen on the way to nowhere (thanks for the quote, Chantal)

I’m a man who is trying to keep hoping even if I have every reason not to do so. I believe in the inherent goodness of people, even though people sometimes let you down, or hurt you, or turn their back on you. People are people and I’m just going on (thank you Simone, Kim and Jonny).

I’m a man who is trying to keep the faith, even though I remember I was fifteen when I last prayed. I’m a man who believes that there’s more to existence than this plane of being, but that God is not best articulated by organized religion, and that the bottom-line of our soul is the consistency of the goodness we show and express towards other people. I believe we do not get more than what we give.

I’m a man who is trying to stay grounded, yet never lose sight of stars. I�m a man who swings from one extreme to another, with a full range of emotions in between. I�m a man who is trying to tone down my intensity, but is helpless against the power of my passions.

I’m a man who fell, but got up again. A man who wants to fall, for the right reason, for the right person. A man who isn�t afraid to fail, not anymore. A man who knows his worth, even as he tries to draw the line where enough can be said to be enough.

I’m a man who just recently realized he is capable of forgiveness even if it hasn’t been asked for.

I’m a man with no bitterness.


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